Remembering When!

Yesterday I was talking to a couple of friends that shares something with me, age. We were talking about some of the things from earlier days, when we were younger, that are no longer in existence. Here are a couple to get us started.

Rotary dial phones. You had to place your finger in the hole and spin the dial as you placed a call. The dial would return to the original position and we would repeat the process until the number was done. That is the reason, mature adults, have a callous on our index finger. Today we have cordless phones that we push one button and it connects you with your party any where in the world. We also have cell phones that we talk to, or swear at depending upon your reception or how difficult it is to use.

I am going to pick two items on days I write about remembering. My second is the remote control. One thing I have never understood about remotes are how did this become a male symbol? I know that I do embrace mine, lovingly, every time my butt hits the Laz-Y-Boy, but how did we get the honor of holding it? Is it just the women allowing us this pleasure, so that for a brief moment in time we feel in control. If this is the case, men, don't believe it, because we all know the real power is in the hands of the women of this world. When I was little my parents had their version of a remote control. It was, Johnnie, go change the channel. Luckily we only had two or three channels to pick from, or I might have spent a good deal of my youth standing beside the TV, channel surfing for them.

This is my beginning list and I invite you to add to it. Mine is rather extensive as I approach the age of sixty. My younger readers may have a limited list and my older readers may have a list that dwarfs mine. So let me know what yours are.

Andrew Sullivan on Newt!

Now I know what you are thinking, this is John's humor blog and not politics. You are right, but the line I am going to tell you is quite humorous and so I thought it deserved its own space here. I love this quote by conservative, political writer Andrew Sullivan. He does not use Newt's name in this definition, but we all know who he is talking about.

Family values- Using daughters from your first wife to convince everyone that your second wife is lying about your third wife.

That sums up Newt Gingrich and his personal life.

Friggatriskaidekaphobia Is What Happens Today.

Friggatriskaidekaphobia is the fear of Friday the Thirteenth. The word comes from, Frigga, the Norse Goddess for whom Friday is named and triskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number thirteen. There are many theories as to why this day and number have led to fear and in some cases a paralyzing state of mind, but I have my own theory. It was the fear that some teacher, would place the word, friggatriskaidekaphobia on a test and spelling counted. As panic sets in, your mind races to think of the word for fear of Friday the 13th and all you can say to yourself is, "That frigging word is right on the tip of my tongue and I can't remember it." That is my story and I am sticking to it. What do you think?

Blue Ivey, Where In The Hell Do They Come Up With These Names?

O.K. so maybe I am old fashioned, but really Blue Ivy for your baby's name. Like I asked where do these entertainers come up with these names. Can you see the confusion in her pre-K classroom as the other children struggle with the question. Is the teacher asking for the color or calling that kid. Entertainers seem to have a different thought process then regular people. They like names such as Blue, Apple (good name for a computer), Dakota ( is middle name north or south?) and any other name that causes the rest of the world to stop and scratch their collective heads. For myself I prefer something simple that I can understand and spell, like John.

One Week In and I have Started to Simplify!

The old saying goes, each journey begins with a step. Well I have taken my first few steps and it is already paying off. I have been slowed by a persistent cough, but as this ends I hope to pick up the pace. The men, who pick up my trash, may not be happy but I know I am. So far I have cleared out one of our file cabinets and the end result if half of it is now empty. I have cleared part of the old, broken Christmas decorations out of the attic and am starting to see the empty places there.

How much more do I have to go? Let me put it this way, Rome and my organizing were and will not be built in a day. I will continue to clean, clear, organize, diet, exercise, and in general improve as the year progresses. Let me know what items you have tackled and what is next. Good Luck.

Watch Out Men, They Won't Even Need Us For Sperm!

Everyone that reads this blog, knows that I have chosen this year to become the, "Year of Simplification," but scientists in Germany have gone too far. They have generated sperm in lab rats and hope that in the near future, they will be able to replicate this in humans. In the meantime, these little rats are replacing us. Scientists in Israel have duplicated the process and so, the foregone conclusion is men will become obsolete.  For a lot of women I am sure, not needing men, is some new idea and they are laughing over the fact that now they will not even need us to produce the sperm need to procreate.

Suggestion to all the men of the world. Start helping around the house. Give the kids a bath. Cook a meal. Do some laundry. Make the bed. Remove the remote control from your hands and rise up from your Laz-Y-Boys. It is getting serious out there. You have to make yourselves indispensable or we could go the way of the horse and buggy.

Don't say you have not been warned. The end is near and it is all because of some little lab rat in Germany.