RIP Arnold Horshack!

Ron Palillo, aka Arnold Dingfelder Horshack, has gone to that big classroom in the sky. For many of you my age and even younger people, that have seen "Welcome Back Kotter" through syndication, laughed, to the verge of tears, at the antics of Horshack and the "Sweat hogs" as they interacted with Gabe Kaplan and the array of oddballs on the show. Week in and week out during the show's run, from 1975 to 1979, we all turned in to see Vinnie Barbarino, Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington, Juan Epstein,  Arnold Horshack and their high-jinx.

As Palillo approached the pearly gates, St Peter, posed a question and in his Arnold Horshack approach, Ron said "OOH, OOH, OOH, Hellllo Mr. Peter. " All St. Peter could do was laugh and open the door. Heaven is certainly laughing a little more today. RIP Ron, you brought us all many moments of joy and laughter.

Hey, Orlando Drivers, Where is Your Turn Signal???

Driving home yesterday it finally hit me, most drivers in Orlando do NOT know where or how to operate the turn signal. I am sure this is not new to most of the unlucky commuters here in the vacation capital of the world, but maybe nobody ever taught them how to use it.

OK where we go. First slide into your car. Whoops almost forgot. Make sure you are in the drivers seat or you will never locate the turn signal. We there? Good. Look down at you steering wheel. In case you don't know that is the thing you turn with your elbows while texting. Also this would be a good time to put down that phone.

Looking at the steering wheel, there is a lever that protrudes from the left side of the column. Play with it. Turn on the car. Now push the lever up. Bet you didn't know this. The turn signal lights on the back and front of the car just started blinking. You just signaled a right hand turn. Ok, you are doing great. Now for the other, "biggy", push the lever down. Again all of the lights are now letting everyone behind and in front of you know that you are going to turn left. That wasn't hard was it?

You are now ready to take your new, found knowledge onto the road. Take your time. I do not want to overload your brain, but with practice, you can master this move. One more thing. When you are going to turn, push that lever to indicate which direction, you are turning, but please do it a distance before slamming on your brakes to turn.  What do you get in return. Maybe a safe journey to your destination and safe return home.

Before I end this sojourn into knowledge, remember, if you start hearing a chiming noise there is nothing wrong with your ears. You forgot to turn and everybody behind you is cursing the idiot that has driven the last 10 miles with their signal on. Just reach over and replace the lever to the upright position. Everyone will thank you.  Good Luck and I will be looking for improvement on the road.

Remembering When, Women!!!

We all tend to romanticize the past and I am as guilty as everyone else. there is however a dark side when we look back in history and one of those areas is women's rights.

It is not that long along when women were treated with less respect then we do today. They were denied the right to vote. Owning property was only available to men. If a women talked the wrong way to a man, he had a right to strike her and she had no right to protect herself. Women, who wanted to end a pregnancy were relegated to back alley operations, by unscrupulous men, women  or doctors. A woman was called a slut, while the men she had sex with were labeled studs and worshiped for their virility. Women were submissive to men. Women were sexually harassed. Men would pat them on their backside and women were told to appreciate the attention. Women finally had enough of the second class citizen treatment and demanded equality and respect. It was and still is a slow process.

For the most part women and men joined together to change all of that. It is an ongoing process, but one that is constantly being attacked by people, who do not really believe in equality for every person. The attacks on women and how their own bodies are treated has been debated over and over again. Men, in leadership positions have tried to take over the conversation and exclude women as they discuss their own health.

Would Republicans exclude men from a discussion on prostrate cancer or erectile dysfunction? I can guarantee they would be included. Yet this past week, Congressman Issa, led his Republican cohorts as they held a conference on women's health and excluded the very people that are affected by the process. The Republicans say it was about religion, I say it was about  turning the clocks back at least 100 years on women's rights.

This week I have written several times about this issue, and some people wonder why, being a man, I would be so concerned about this issue. Easy. I care because I respect women. I have been married for thirty seven years and I care about my wife and her health. I helped raise two daughters, grew up with two sisters and I am the grandfather to two granddaughters. I have many female friends and I care about their rights and their health. When I say the answer is easy I mean it. Women that I love very much are threatened, by the backward, uneducated, and ridiculous movement, that the Republicans are leading. They want to strip away, rights from over half of our citizens, women. They want to dictate how they use their bodies. they want to eliminate the responsible approach of birth control. They talk about religious freedoms, which are protected, while they take freedoms and rights from women.

My response is to speak out. Now I need you, my readers to do the same. Men and even to a degree more, women need to be heard. Write back to me. Encourage others you know to comment and I will forward those messages to the Congressmen and Senators. I will send the results to the White House and let the President know we are behind him as he fights to uphold your rights. The choice is clear. The time is now. Speak and be heard. Silence will only embolden the people who what to rip freedoms and rights from the American citizens. Demand they stop and leave you free to make the choices that are best for you and your family.

Some Men Should, Put An Aspirin Between Their Lips, So They Cannot Talk!

In case you missed it, yesterday Foster Friess, the billionaire, that is backing Rick Santorum's run for the Presidency stated his view on birth control. He used the old, "joke" about Gals, placing an aspirin between their knees and holding it their, so their legs would stay together and they would not have sex. Since they did not have sex they did not need birth controls. Is this guy funny or what. Did he just appear in an episode of, "Mad Men"? Does he still slap the old gals on the backside when he walks past them?

So for his complete lack of sensitivity to women's causes and his 1950's mentality, I say let's all send an aspirin to the Santorum campaign and have them give it to good, old Foster. This way if he has an aspirin between his lips, he cannot talk. Since he cannot talk we will all be spared, listening to anymore of his inane jokes and comments. Com'on Foster old boy, just place this between your lips. Ah, silence certainly is golden!

Opps, I Meant Grammy Awards!!!

How in the hell can a person watch a three hour plus show and not get the name right? I am sure most of you figured out I was commenting on the Grammy awards and not the Emmy's in my post the other day. My daughter, Nicole, finally pointed out my mistake. If I had any self respect, which I do not, I would be embarrassed, but not to worry, I will still hold my head up high, even with the giggling and side way stares. Well,I have to go watch another episode of that news show, One Hundred Minutes, on CBS.

My View On The Emmys.

Last night Pat and I turned on the Emmys program, and for the first time, I actually watched a large portion of the show. I know part of the reason was, the Whitney Houston tragedy that I will comment on later. We had watched, "Sixty Minutes", and the segment on Adele intrigued me, so I also wanted to see how she fared. She did not disappoint, as she went on to win several Emmys, that she was nominated for and sang one of her songs beautifully. I have to confess, I did not know who she was until last night. I do not keep up with the latest singers. I even mispronounced her name and was quickly corrected by my wife. We watch several of the performers, including a group that won an award, that for the majority of the program, I was under the belief their name was, Food Fighter. I was later corrected when they actually wrote the name and saw it was Foo Fighter.

Thank God for the Beach Boys and Paul McCartney, otherwise I may have drawn a blank on most of the singers. They threw in Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder, who I still call, "Little Stevie Wonder". I was on a roll now and could even sing some of the songs.

Then it all fell apart. They showed, Lady Gaga and I gagged. Pun Intended. She looked like a cross between, "The Gladiator" and H.R. Puffinstuff. She actually scared me. Then some chick named Nicki Minaj, came out with a priest and some exorcist routine. Sorry not my cup of tea. The Foo Fighters, sang and I did not understand one word they said. All I know is the lead singer, needed to get his hair cut or at least tie back that hair hanging in his face. This must have been what my parents saw and heard when, The Beatles or Jimi Hendrix or Janis Joplin were performing. What is with that, "Dead Mouse" guy or was that a woman. I couldn't tell. I don't remember if it sang or not, but it sure had numerous outfit changes. The audience even had the mouse heads with them. Bizarre.

Lastly I want to mention Ms. Houston. This is another, in a long list of fantastic talents and performers, whose voices are silenced much too soon. Whitney Houston, in my opinion, had the biggest, most powerful and beautiful voice, I have ever heard. She was talented and gorgeous and unbelievable to listen to. I hope that what ever tortured her over the last several years is gone and she is in heaven, leading the choir as they now sing the grandest music ever. RIP Whitney, we may never hear the likes of you again.

Remembering When, The Super Bowl!

Yeah I know, many of my readers were not even born when the Green Bay Packers beat the Kansas City Chiefs, 35-10 in the AFL-NFL Championship game, forty six years ago. The name super Bowl had not yet been attached to our annual binge of hype. The Los Angles Colosseum was not filled to capacity with people that are able to spend thousands of dollars to get a seat inside. Tickets went unsold. The sporting public concluded that the real championship was the week before when Green Bay beat Dallas. People turned into one of two networks, NBC or CBS to watch the game. I do not remember, all of the hype that proceeds the Super Bowl today, for two weeks. There was a game. I am sure that the commercials were not tracked and as eagerly anticipated as they are today. There was a game There  were no daily diaries, from the players. There was a game. There were no tweets. There was a game. There was no media day that people willingly paid $25 to attend. There was a game. That is all there was then. A game. Anyone who ever read or seen or followed legendary football coach Vince Lombardi, knows that for him, the players, the other coaches and true football fans, there was only one thing. There was a game. Ah, to think back and admire the simple things in life. Enjoy today's game.

Remembering When TypeWriters!

While I was typing my post for Americas Voice today, I thought of how great it is to have word processors and spell check. Some of my readers may not remember the days before we had computers and the great tools of modern life. Let me tell you about it, and for those of you that have a few miles on the old bodies, slide back in time with me.

Now according to my best recollection, it was right after the tablets of stone and chisels, no wait I am wrong, it was right after the invention of papyrus, that someone came up with the type writer. They weighed about seventy five pounds and did contribute greatly to the level of fitness in this era, Our arms were much better toned because we had to lug them every where with us. We also had to have at least three reams of paper. The early torture machines, had no way to erase, mistakes. We were left with a pencil looking apparatus, that had a special eraser on one end and a feather looking thing at the other. This was meant to brush away the little pieces of rubber left behind. You could not take the paper out of the typewriter, because when you put it back in, no matter how you tried it never lined up again. We also had to carry a dictionary. Now you could have a small one, but I found that usually the word I wanted was not in the condensed volume, so the best bet was to get a tow truck and have it lift the unabridged Webster Dictionary into the living room. In between writings the family could use it as a couch.

So here we were, all of the material together. The rough draft and all revisions were written in long hand, and with a pen. Now it was time to type. To say that it was any easier then the original Gutenberg press would be an understatement. To type a three page report would consume the equivalent of ten days. Three weeks and four reams of paper later, I would have to go to the local stationary store to get another ream of paper, our non error paper was ready for delivery to the teachers. Have we come a long way since the invention of word processors, oh yeah. Just think, in the old days I would have twenty more days of writing to produce this one little post. That would mean that I would only be able to do five or six of these per year. OK stop demanding I start using a typewriter, because that is not going to happen. You will just have to continue putting up with my rants.

Remembering When!

Yesterday I was talking to a couple of friends that shares something with me, age. We were talking about some of the things from earlier days, when we were younger, that are no longer in existence. Here are a couple to get us started.

Rotary dial phones. You had to place your finger in the hole and spin the dial as you placed a call. The dial would return to the original position and we would repeat the process until the number was done. That is the reason, mature adults, have a callous on our index finger. Today we have cordless phones that we push one button and it connects you with your party any where in the world. We also have cell phones that we talk to, or swear at depending upon your reception or how difficult it is to use.

I am going to pick two items on days I write about remembering. My second is the remote control. One thing I have never understood about remotes are how did this become a male symbol? I know that I do embrace mine, lovingly, every time my butt hits the Laz-Y-Boy, but how did we get the honor of holding it? Is it just the women allowing us this pleasure, so that for a brief moment in time we feel in control. If this is the case, men, don't believe it, because we all know the real power is in the hands of the women of this world. When I was little my parents had their version of a remote control. It was, Johnnie, go change the channel. Luckily we only had two or three channels to pick from, or I might have spent a good deal of my youth standing beside the TV, channel surfing for them.

This is my beginning list and I invite you to add to it. Mine is rather extensive as I approach the age of sixty. My younger readers may have a limited list and my older readers may have a list that dwarfs mine. So let me know what yours are.

Andrew Sullivan on Newt!

Now I know what you are thinking, this is John's humor blog and not politics. You are right, but the line I am going to tell you is quite humorous and so I thought it deserved its own space here. I love this quote by conservative, political writer Andrew Sullivan. He does not use Newt's name in this definition, but we all know who he is talking about.

Family values- Using daughters from your first wife to convince everyone that your second wife is lying about your third wife.

That sums up Newt Gingrich and his personal life.

Friggatriskaidekaphobia Is What Happens Today.

Friggatriskaidekaphobia is the fear of Friday the Thirteenth. The word comes from, Frigga, the Norse Goddess for whom Friday is named and triskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number thirteen. There are many theories as to why this day and number have led to fear and in some cases a paralyzing state of mind, but I have my own theory. It was the fear that some teacher, would place the word, friggatriskaidekaphobia on a test and spelling counted. As panic sets in, your mind races to think of the word for fear of Friday the 13th and all you can say to yourself is, "That frigging word is right on the tip of my tongue and I can't remember it." That is my story and I am sticking to it. What do you think?

Blue Ivey, Where In The Hell Do They Come Up With These Names?

O.K. so maybe I am old fashioned, but really Blue Ivy for your baby's name. Like I asked where do these entertainers come up with these names. Can you see the confusion in her pre-K classroom as the other children struggle with the question. Is the teacher asking for the color or calling that kid. Entertainers seem to have a different thought process then regular people. They like names such as Blue, Apple (good name for a computer), Dakota ( is middle name north or south?) and any other name that causes the rest of the world to stop and scratch their collective heads. For myself I prefer something simple that I can understand and spell, like John.

One Week In and I have Started to Simplify!

The old saying goes, each journey begins with a step. Well I have taken my first few steps and it is already paying off. I have been slowed by a persistent cough, but as this ends I hope to pick up the pace. The men, who pick up my trash, may not be happy but I know I am. So far I have cleared out one of our file cabinets and the end result if half of it is now empty. I have cleared part of the old, broken Christmas decorations out of the attic and am starting to see the empty places there.

How much more do I have to go? Let me put it this way, Rome and my organizing were and will not be built in a day. I will continue to clean, clear, organize, diet, exercise, and in general improve as the year progresses. Let me know what items you have tackled and what is next. Good Luck.

Watch Out Men, They Won't Even Need Us For Sperm!

Everyone that reads this blog, knows that I have chosen this year to become the, "Year of Simplification," but scientists in Germany have gone too far. They have generated sperm in lab rats and hope that in the near future, they will be able to replicate this in humans. In the meantime, these little rats are replacing us. Scientists in Israel have duplicated the process and so, the foregone conclusion is men will become obsolete.  For a lot of women I am sure, not needing men, is some new idea and they are laughing over the fact that now they will not even need us to produce the sperm need to procreate.

Suggestion to all the men of the world. Start helping around the house. Give the kids a bath. Cook a meal. Do some laundry. Make the bed. Remove the remote control from your hands and rise up from your Laz-Y-Boys. It is getting serious out there. You have to make yourselves indispensable or we could go the way of the horse and buggy.

Don't say you have not been warned. The end is near and it is all because of some little lab rat in Germany.